As a single mom who is now an empty nester, I am often asked if I am lonely. I will admit, it was a tough transition at first, but now it is my new normal. I actually enjoy time to myself, and I feel that this is in large part due to the fact that I spend most of my days interacting with lots of people at work. I also see my parents regularly and my kids as often as I can. I have a nice social life with a dinner plans a few times a month, but I also very much enjoy the evenings I can come home and just be alone. I have a hobby which I am very passionate about, and I devote a lot of time to this. Many nights, I have work to do at home which also occupies some of my alone time. If I am lucky enough to have a night without work to do, I take full advantage of the opportunity to do whatever I want or nothing at all. This doesn't happen very often, so perhaps that's why I truly value it.
If you have followed us for a while, you know that I raised my daughters in a three generation household with my parents. I was very fortunate to have their help since I became a single mom when I had a 2 year old and a 2 month old. We all lived together for 20 years. I went from always having roommates in college and medical school, to then living with my husband and later with the kids too (for a short while) and finally with my parents and my kids. I had never, in all my life, lived alone. When my kids went off to college, I still lived in the home we all shared with my parents for 3 more years after my youngest left. It was just 9 months ago that my parents and I sold the family home we had all enjoyed for 20 years and downsized moving into separate homes. It was a major transition which definitely took getting used to. We also have two dogs who live with my parents, so I am truly alone in my townhouse unless my kids come back to visit.
I had never minded being alone, but I will say the silence was overwhelming at first. I was used to no kids for a while, but now there was no-one at all and not even a barking dog when I came through the door. This led me to immediately turn on the tv when I came in just for the noise. After a few weeks, it became my new normal, and my new routine set in. I came to enjoy the silence, especially after a long day in the office with non-stop talking to people for many hours. I did not feel lonely. I was ready for some down time.
Knowing that I have family and friends who I can be with often, I never feel truly lonely. I can now indulge in the quiet moments and try to recharge. I love the people in my life, but I am content being by myself. At this stage, I also do not feel like I need a significant other to make my life complete. I always describe myself as "happily divorced" or "happily single". I have a fierce independent streak, and I know it would be very difficult for me to find a person who could fit into the life I have created for myself. My life is full just as it is. Being alone is very different from being lonely...don't be lonely. Learn how to value your own company.💗
