Okay... so this is not Wine Wednesday, but never fear, Lisa will still be blogging about wine and food and other topics as part of "Lisa's Lessons", a new category along with...you guessed it, "Adrienne's Advice". We will each do an entry once a week and try to continue to cover lots of topics we hope will be helpful and interesting to all the working moms out there. We hope that through our experiences, we can give advice and teach lessons based on our lives as working moms for the past almost 21 years for me and 13 years for Lisa. We certainly don't have all the answers, but we have been through many phases of motherhood and can offer what we have learned.
My first bit of advice...be the unicorn. I had a big milestone birthday a couple of weeks ago and thankfully I was able to have a small party to celebrate as the pandemic is now under better control. It was a wonderful night and made it easier for me to embrace turning 50. One of the cards I received from a good friend said on the front "You're a unicorn in a world of horses". Now, if you have read other blog posts, you know that I am a lover of horses, but being the unicorn means you're special. So be the unicorn. Be special. You have this one life and you need to do what makes you feel alive...and special. You can be your best mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend...etc if you feel good about yourself.
I realize this may be easier said than done, especially in the early years of trying to figure out how to balance motherhood and a career. There are so many moving parts especially if you have multiple children. Sometimes you will feel like you just need to be there for everyone else and not worry about yourself. It won't matter how much or how little help you have, I think the tendency is still for a working mom to feel overwhelmed a lot of the time. Your own interests move to the back burner which is understandable and often necessary to some degree. If you can hold on to what makes you a unicorn, it will make all the difference in the world. During the years of babies and toddlers and then school age kids, your life is about this. You are a unicorn for figuring out how to be there for your kids and keep up with work too. Not every woman out there can do that. Moms who do not work outside the home and career women without children can be unicorns too of course, but just the fact that we can do both makes us special.
As the kids get older, perhaps high school age, you will find they don't need you in the same way anymore, dare I say they don't "want" you in the same way. And that's a good thing. Congratulations mom...you have raised independent, responsible young adults who are ready to spread their wings. Greatest feeling ever, I promise. As I write this my two daughters are away on vacation together, and I am thrilled about it. Did I want to be there too...kind of, but not really. They are the best of friends, 20 and 18 years old, and totally capable of traveling on their own. We will still take trips all together but this was their "sister trip" to take after finishing hugely successful junior and freshman years in college.
At this stage of motherhood...go back to what made you a unicorn before you had kids or what you want to do now that will be the new version of a unicorn. For me as you may know from prior posts, it's ballroom dance. This was not something I did before kids, but it is something that allows me to "live my best life" now. I am still a working mom, but I also have something else that makes me feel alive and happy every single day. I am also content every day if I know my kids are safely living their best lives. I am the mom that liked each new age and phase with my kids more than the last. I did not miss my babies, I embraced my teenagers and young adults. I realize how fortunate I am to have raised these amazing young women with much help from my parents, and I love this phase the most. I am still very involved with my girls, but I am extremely proud of their independence. I am able to enjoy my passion for dance, a nice social life with friends, and I also continue to work hard as a surgeon while knowing my kids are ready to take on whatever comes their way. All of this makes me a unicorn... at least that's what the card said😉
